How was your 2016? I realise you’re gearing up for Christmas and New Year’s might not be on your radar yet, but I’m interested anyway.
Mine was terrible. Thanks for asking.
I’m comforted by the fact that the last two years were terrible and surely the universe doesn’t have more outstanding ridiculousness to serve me. In saying that, anything’s possible.
This year, I successfully regained the 25 kilos I had shed, and quite easily, I might add. I will probably never need cocaine or any other drug due to the fact that I love sugar and salt so much. That’s not why this year was unsuccessful. No. I thought becoming fatter would be the total disaster, but it turns out that other people are more obsessed with my weight than I am. No. This year was a disaster due to the following fact:
I am successfully doing things that I don’t feel I was meant to do and this year happily served that gem to me in great fashion, gift wrapped, tied with bows. I’m pretty sure everyone has had this moment in life and if you haven’t, well, I ain’t mad at ya. As for me and my house, we won’t be serving the lord and we won’t be continuing down this current road till retirement.
This year also served as a reminder of how much I spend as a way to deflect from the fact that I’m probably not doing the types of things in my life that I probably should be.
And if you’re reading this thinking to yourself “well, this is snoozy diary writing at it’s best” you’d be right. I just wanted to pen these things and ink them into my own consciousness. Again.
Other than that, how about that Donald Trump upset? Honest to god, I did not see that coming. Well. I kind of thought at one stage “oh dear god, I think this guy really has a shot” but come on. Despite the hatred that seems to really well up in some people’s hearts about Hilary (which to this day, I still don’t understand) and whatever she apparently stands for, at the end of the day, are you really going to choose a guy who runs a reality show over an actual lawyer? Say what you want about lawyers but at least they did their dues and know something. Sure Trump makes money but those speeches are like sitting in a really terrible church service with no aircon and alternately suffocating and bewildered at the same time. Or being tied to a chair and made to listen to commercials about steak knives that tell you “wait … there’s more!” on endless repeat. In the end, that guy won out. Each to their own I suppose (although when the decision was announced I did think everyone in that country had lost their minds!)
Now that he’s in there he seems to be putting together the richest group of leaders that the world has ever seen. It’s like we hired our bankers to run the show. I’m sure they will out-deal every other country on earth to successfully garner as much money as possible and begin the lockdown towards becoming super insular, like in the good ol’ days. As a person who is not a citizen of that country and does not reside in the U.S, I cannot wait for my country to be at the trading mercy of that super power of a country. It’s very exciting that the world is at the mercy of a guy who used to have a show called “The Apprentice”. It gives Kanye and every soap star in the world very real hope that if they have enough money, and enough terrible speeches, and turn up at the right time to leverage disparities and fear, you too can become the leader of a nation. It’s a thing folks! No actual qualifications or experience necessary.
Otherwise, I guess 2016 was an ok year. Personally. Internationally. Aleppo was a fail. Brexit was either horrendous or delightful depending on how you potentially feel about immigration and your own personal fears around being *heard*. And so forth and so forth. I wouldn’t move to Auckland either. Unless you’re excited about potentially living in a small box that cost you half a million dollars. You read that right. Small places cost half a mill. Good luck!
I’m looking forward to sunshine and summer on this side of the globe, and generally looking back on this year with fondness and despair. Glad that it’s over but glad that I still have a job, can listen to whatever music I like, have a roof over my head and people who love me enough to put up with me. I’m looking forward to avoiding Christmas shopping and saying I love you out loud to my nearest and dearest on Christmas Day.
I’m looking forward to 2017.