January 25, 2013 by laeliahunt
It has been a while since I’ve posted and it makes me sad that I’ve been that slack. Hopefully I’ll keep on top of that since my whole approach to this was to be involved with writing something … anything … on a regular basis.
In my small sojourn away from you I’ve been pondering and discussing with others how un-straightforward relationships with loved ones are. Whether it’s relationships with friends, your kids, your spouse, the family. They’re not straight forward. Not always. There’s heartache, loss of identity, even the death of small parts of your soul. These relationships and their interactions invoke elation, depression, rage, jealousy, despair and contentedness. Sometimes in the same hour. Guaranteed to happen in the same lifetime.
What do you do? When the ones that you’re with, who you love, who you’ve birthed, are the centre of your own destruction? Parents that can’t give up drug habits. Spouses who are alcoholics. Teenagers who unintentionally become parents. Friends with money trouble. What do you do?
Sometimes it’s not even that confronting and public. Sometimes it’s small or consistent actions that keep taking place over years and years that wear a person down. The inability to change. The subtle way in which communication doesn’t take place. How on the outside things can look happy but you know in your heart things are not as they seem. You move house. You don’t see people anymore. You become inadvertent strangers. When you meet it feels familiar but you don’t know this person, these people, anymore. If you were being honest with yourself.
No one is immune. That’s the thing. No one is safely bubble wrapped from these things. We are all trying to navigate these waters the best way that we can. Sometimes things feel perfect. Sometimes they feel just right. Sometimes they are completely wrong. The humanity in us requires us to delve in with both our heads and our hearts to create answers but all our answers are specific and special to us and our own. It is that amazing that we can mirror each other in how we behave and how we react but only we can create the answers that we need and it’s specific to us.
None of this is either good or bad. It just is what it is for better or worse. And all those things that we forget about and take for granted … the luck, the timing, chance in general … we forget that sometimes those things can kick off the worst things that happen in our lives and sometimes they present and introduce us to the best things in our lives.
I speak for myself as I write all of this. I’ve had interesting relationships with the people in my life. My best friends. My mother. My cousins. Uncles and aunties. My father. Brothers. Nieces. Nephews. In laws. People I’ve loved. And so forth. None of it was straightforward. Some of it was perfect. Navigation is always precarious and decisions require less reaction and more thought. Always more thought. My reactions in my younger life. Dear lord. Diabolical.
I hope that wherever you are in your relationships, that through the happiness and even the unhappiness, that you remain well. I hope that your head and your heart lead you well. And just know that I’m thinking of you too. My heart will be where you are.